harry potter is the prankster of hogwarts
by MangaPlusAnimaEqualsAwsomeness
Summary: harry potter alwase knows the best way to pull off a prank, he has the prank-pulling abilaty of fred and george combined, a great poker face, and alwase knows what to say... ALWASE!


Harry potter is not mine, it belongs to J. K. Rowling and Chuck Norris, if it belonged to me, this is what would have happened… (behavior of Harry and a few other people is still mine though)

"Up! Get up! Now!" said aunt petunia, knocking on Harry's door

"Up!"

"what took you so long?" said Harry, fully dressed, trying to figure out the best way to ruin Dudley's birthday.

"Are you up yet?"

"Yeah… I, basically just said that."

"ok, well look after the bacon, and don't let it burn, or next time I say 'I keel you!' when we're playing call of duty, it won't be just in the game."

"you'll never beat me, you noob." Harry said, putting a spider he found on his sock on aunt petunia, running to the kitchen, and putting extra spices on the bacon.

"comb your hair!" barked uncle Vernon, while harry quickly hid the spices he had used while Dudley attempted to count his presents… EPIC FAIL

By the time he got to the table and put the eggs on it, Dudley had come to the conclusion that he had thirty-seven presents, with help from aunt petunia. Harry saw Dudley about to start a temper tantrum, and sat there calmly, smiling. "we'll buy you _two_ more presents while we're out today. How's that popkin? _two_ more presents. Is that all right?" Dudley thought, then slowly said

"so I'll have thirty… thirty…"

"thirty-nine you dumbass" whispered Harry, so only Dudley could hear.

Dudley seamed to suddenly have unbelievable self-control, or he had no Idea what the word dumbass even meant.

"thirty-nine!" He said, looking at his parents' faces, which were full of disbelief.

Uncle Vernon snapped out of it first.

"All right then."

"Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy Dudley!" he said, ruffling Dudley's hair.

Dudley took a bite of bacon, then made a loud choking noise. However, it was not heard because the phone rung at that exact moment. Then Harry gave him a pre-prepared glass of milk that had laxatives in it… Dudley drank it all.

"Bad news Vernon," said aunt petunia "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him."

(long paragraph that's only in the book describing Dudley's birthdays)

"Now what?" said aunt petunia, looking furiously at Harry as if he had planned this… the way he was smiling also made it look like he had planned it.

"We could phone marge," uncle Vernon suggested

"Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy" aunt petunia stated.

"What about what's-her-name, your friend - Yvonne?" asked uncle Vernon

"On vacation in Majorca" snapped aunt petunia

"maybe, you could take me with you? Don't you think that might work, or will it not work simply because it was my idea?"

"fine. But you're staying in the car, got it?"

"That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone…."

"you don't know how old it is, just because you stole it last week it doesn't mean it's new." said aunt petunia, while a forgotten Dudley began to fake-cry loudly.

Dudley continued to cry and Harry's aunt and uncle were still arguing when Dudley's best friend burst into the house, looking annoyed, then, Dudley blushed from crying in front of his friend, uncle Vernon and aunt petunia were panicking, and Harry was just leaning against the wall with a smug look on his face. After a lot of arguing, a car ride, and something about a flying motorcycle, they arrived at the zoo. Dudley was walking strangely, probably shit his pants from the laxatives…

"Why do they have a mirror, it's kinda off color too… OH! It's a gorilla, I thought it was Dudley's reflection…" Harry muttered to himself while looking at the gorilla exhibit.

"make it move," Dudley whined at his father, who tapped on the glass, and had no luck.

"do it again," Dudley ordered,

"this is boring," Dudley moaned, and shuffled away.

"damn right." harry could have sworn the snake said.

(Harry has a conversation with the snake.)

"DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T _BELIEVE _WHAT IT'S DOING!" Dudley walked awkwardly over to the cage, and tried to ignore the people that were looking at him weird. "out of the way, you," he said, punching where Harry had been a moment before, and hitting the glass with his fist

"ouch!" he said, rubbing his hand, and making a very odd expression, indicating that the laxatives had worked in making him shit his pants. Then he went next to his friend, who was leaning on the glass, and they both fell into it. Harry still sitting there acting like nothing had happened

Harry could have sworn a low hissing voice said "Brazil here I come…. Thanksss, amigo." all the people in the room glanced at the snake as it passed by, and ignored it after that, other than Dudley and his friend, who were screaming even when it had already left.

A few hours later, when Dudley had changed into dry clothes, and had had uncle Vernon explain to his friend that Dudley had fallen into mud and my no means shit his pants, Dudley's friend said "Harry was talking to it weren't you Harry?"

"Yeah… and your point is…?"

After he left, uncle Vernon was so angry that all he managed to say was "Go - cupboard - stay - no meals"

"better work on not stuttering, or you'll get fired." said Harry, while he went back to his room/cupboard/whatever-you-call-it.

If it doesn't make sense from certain parts being blank then read (or reread) the first chapter in the real book, please.


End file.
